Kwame Kilpatrick would be proud of Gary Sheffield. The thuggish mayor will spend 4 months in jail starting October 28th and his city's baseball team made him proud over the weekend. Gary Sheffield's roid rage and vocal dislike of Latin players was on display Friday night. Sheffield was unable to control Fausto Carmona as he received the WWE treatment from the big Dominican after charging the mound following a pickoff throw to first.
Words and fists were launched in the melee that sparked the Indians to a 6-5 come-from-behind win thanks to cult hero Shin-Soo Choo and Jamey Carroll, one of Rick Moranis's go-to guys in Little Giants. Urbania, Ohio would be proud. Ed O'Neill wishes Spike would take care of Carroll.
To the Tigers' fans on the porch that repeatedly told me to look at the scoreboard, instead of the standings ironically, when it was 5-2 Detroit in the top of the 8th, I hope you get caught in the crossfire on 8 Mile. These same drunkards left the game during the break between the top and bottom of the 8th. Good move guys, hopefully you fell in the Cuyahoga while looking around for bars that no longer exist in the Flats.
Before I go further, I must mention Victor Martinez's importance to this team. Outside of Wednesday's walk-off and his consistent bat in the lineup, Victor stuck up for his teammates and his pitcher, wanting to drag Magglio Ordonez and his greasy hair out to the woodshed.
We interrupt this blog post for this breaking news bulletin: Gary Sheffield is an asshole.
Moving to Saturday night, the Indians reached the .500 mark for the first time since mid-May. While this is a very pedestrian achievement for a team that was one win away from being the World Series champion, because Colorado was not beating either AL team, it is encouraging. Before Carmona returned, the team's rotation consisted of this year's Cy Young, a couple of scrubs, a retired peanut vendor, a guy with two club feet and a series of mental incapacities, and that dorky guy that everyone went to high school with at one time or another who wore black "I hate the world" t-shirts over a flannel-patterned collared shirt.
Jeremy Sowers did a fine job of limiting the damage, and the Indians did a terrific job of getting Justin Verlander out relatively early.
Shin-Soo Choo is starting to assimilate in to the American way of life. He finally realizes that the chant of "Choooooooooooo" is not the home fans booing him for hitting 3-run HRs to tie the game against our most hated rival. Not sure what they do in South Korea. I know in North Korea they shoot nukes at the opposing dugout.
Before I forget, let me give a shoutout to the three die-hard protesters that stood on the sidewalk between the Q and the Jake to hold up poorly-constructed signs about how the Indians name is derogatory. I would embrace the team just the same if it were the Cleveland Caucasians. Thank you for asking. Wouldn't it be ironic if they were shot while protesting and went home with wounded knees? Of course I'm not advocating that. I'm just pointing out the irony. Lou Sockalexis appreciates the smear campaign of his Native American heritage and how the team was named in his honor.
Sunday's game featured Whatchu talkin' 'bout Dontrelle Willis. Well, we're talking about walks Dontrelle. Technically, today's effort was better than his June 9th start against the Tribe. That day, he walked only five in his 1.1. The eight runs and three hits were really his undoing. Today, he managed to last into the 3rd inning. He walked six more today and allowed six runs in 2.1. Managing to strike out four, three of which were Grady Sizemore, who receives a Golden Sombrero for his efforts today, Willis's K/BB ratio now rests at 13/32. If Willis does not pitch again this season, his 18.2 innings average out to over $375,000/inning for his MLB season. That's as efficient as ethanol in a steam roller.
Ryan Garko tripled today. If the world stopped briefly, you now know why. He also drove in one little, two little, three little, four little, five little Indians today, with a four-hit performance. Victor Martinez scored 10.7% of his total runs for the season today. Josh Barfield was the only Indian not to reach base today. Excuse me while I make a face of astonishment.
Heading in to that place with the big green wall in left, the Indians are 78-77. They need a 4-3 road trip through Masshole Country and the Windy City to guarantee a +.500 season for the 3rd time during the Eric Wedge tenure. When asked for comment, Eric Wedge twitched his nose and then grinded it against his desk to illustrate his point.
From the things that will make me sick department: Boston will be celebrating another party while the Indians are in town this week. A Boston win at any point or a New York loss will clinch them a playoff spot. I must go vomit now.
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Kwame would be proud indeed.
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