K2's Soulja Boys May Keep Him Out Monday

The self-proclaimed soldier, Mr. Kellen Winslow Jr./II, might not play this Monday night against the Giants. Why? Well, I'll let youuuuuuuuuu decide.

http://www.profootballtalk.com/2008/10/10/winslow-has-swollen-um-parts/

From PFT: "A league source tells us that the talk among the Browns is that tight end Kellen Winslow landed in the Cleveland Clinic because his balls swelled to the size of grapefruits."

At least somebody on the team has a pair. Well, maybe he's grown a pair. I didn't think that it was the time of year for grapefruits.

This incident seems, at least on the surface, to be less blameworthy than his motorcycle escapdes that left him with a torn ACL.

This begs the question, what would cause one's testicles to grow to the size of grapefruits? We can rule out steroids as a factor, so at least K2 is clean in that regard. Maybe Bon Scott could give us a little insight. Interestingly enough, one of the running Chuck Norris jokes is that he does not teabag women, he potato sacks them. So what would K2 do? You can't really say that he grapefruits them. Could you argue that he juices them? Or, would that be what OJ did to Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman?

Either way, this could mark the first time in sports history that a player has not participated in a game because his balls were too big. Barry Bonds asks how such a phenomenon could be possible. In any event, K2 should share his testicles with the rest of the team, in a non-Kaz Tadano kind of way. This pales in comparison to the injury that Romeo Crennel coaches through every week. Not having any balls is certainly much worse than having a pair that are too big.

A true gauge of if they are big enough is to have Derek Anderson throw them to Braylon Edwards. If Braylon can actually catch them, well, then yes, they probably are too big. Maybe the Browns sideline will spend the duration of the game shaking bags of marbles to keep K2's head in the game.

However, if Winslow does play, and has a big game, maybe the Browns should play the rest of the regular season under a different name. The Cleveland Brown Giants sounds appropriate.